Sprkus

The following ads were posted to Craigslist.org in the Missed Connections section of Columbus, Ohio. I’ve replied to each with only the line “That’s my girlfriend, asshole!” Here are the responses:

Brunette at Highbanks Running Wednesday near 6 pm- m4w (wooded trails)
Date: 2008-07-10, 9:12AM EDT

I passed you twice. The first time you were running with a friend (taller blondish) the second time you were running (quickly) downhill and I was headed uphill. You were wearing a yellow sports bra and black shorts and in a ponytail. I was in black shorts and no shirt. Remember?

* Location: wooded trails
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 749394207

Re: Brunette at Highbanks Running Wednesday near 6 pm- m4w (wooded trails)

That’s my girlfriend, asshole!

Re:Re: Brunette at Highbanks Running Wednesday near 6 pm- m4w (wooded trails)

Seriously?

If so, I meant no disrespect at all.

My apologies and thanks for letting me know to stop searching for her.

Beautiful Brunette in green Pontiac Grand Am at Speedway - m4w - 32 (E. Broad and S. Hamilton)
Date: 2008-07-09, 2:40PM EDT

I have seen you twice now at the Speedway at E. Broad St. and S. Hamilton Rd. in the last week. Both times were just before 4 a.m. You were buying cigarettes. You drive a dark green Pontiac Grand Am four door. I think you are incredibly beautiful. Are you available? Both times I was “working” and did not feel appropriate to ask you out. If you see this and are interested, please reply. Hope to hear from you.

* Location: E. Broad and S. Hamilton
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 748498755

Re: Beautiful Brunette in green Pontiac Grand Am at Speedway - m4w - 32 (E. Broad and S. Hamilton)

That’s my girlfriend, asshole!

Re:Re: Beautiful Brunette in green Pontiac Grand Am at Speedway - m4w - 32 (E. Broad and S. Hamilton)

I dont believe you…..what is her first name?

Kroger Harrisburg Julie, arson aint that bad! - m4w - 43 (west side)
Date: 2008-07-11, 4:00AM EDT

I saw you at Kroger and you told me you just got out on jud. realease.I didnt get that kirby tele-marketer call yet!I guess I should have given you my number when we were talking to ham and cheese.I hope you remember me,if Im reading the wrong signs,just let me know.Im the guy that has the tattoo sleeves that knew Shelly at the waffle house.Its a long shot but maybe you or someone you know will read this.I used to be a F.C.sheriff. send me a message

* Location: west side
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 750560574

Re: Kroger Harrisburg Julie, arson aint that bad! - m4w - 43 (west side)

That’s my girlfriend, asshole!

Re:Re: Kroger Harrisburg Julie, arson aint that bad! - m4w - 43 (west side)

SO WHAT IVE KNOWN HER FOR YEARS AND YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH better than that we can meet at Kroger and we can see whats up 614 679 [ommitted] thats my phone # lets see what its about?If your that insecure then you must not have it on lock big nuts.Ive been married for years and just ran into her while I was talking to a guy I used to work with at FCCC.Im sure you know what that is.thats back when I used to lock up assholes have you ever been there?You dont have to answer,let me check Sounds to me like she fell in with the wrong crowd but thats what some people are looking for in a person somone they can take advantage of.The way I understand it she took the fall for some piece of shit that didnt have the sack to step up and face what he did,he needed a girl to do it for him.What do you think about a gutless yellow coward like that,I think his heart pumps cool-aid.Get back with this asshole .

Need someone to do me a favor in lancaster - m4w (Lancaster)
Date: 2008-07-10, 5:44PM EDT

Im trying to track down an old friend of mine that i lost contact with. Her name is or was Deddie Graley. If you know her or of her please contact me. She will be 39-40 years old now. If you really want to help i have a hunch she may be working at the goodwill store if you would be in the area and want to see. Anyway let me know! I would like to surprise her. Oh she had a friend named Lana i think!

* Location: Lancaster
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 750069644

Re: Need someone to do me a favor in lancaster - m4w (Lancaster)

That’s my girlfriend, asshole!

Re:Re: Need someone to do me a favor in lancaster - m4w (Lancaster)

Are you just playin games here or what smart mouth?

Burnt Orange Element - m4w (Around Hilliard)
Date: 2008-07-10, 2:05PM EDT

I drive by you all the time. You are in your Burnt Orange element. What is your story? We always make eye contact. Let me know who you think I am & what I Drive. Bet we could have some fun! Let me know if you are interested. Wave to me next time you see me :). This is a long shot but you never know!

* Location: Around Hilliard
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 749769164

Re: Burnt Orange Element - m4w (Around Hilliard)

That’s my girlfriend, asshole!

Re:Re: Burnt Orange Element - m4w (Around Hilliard)

What does she look like! Easy bud did not know it was your girlfriend!

Re:Re: Burnt Orange Element - m4w (Around Hilliard) [3 minutes later]

What are you doing looking in that part of craigslist if you have a girlfriend???

Re:Re: Burnt Orange Element - m4w (Around Hilliard) [3 days later]

You are so full of it arnt you!