Sprkus

I received the above text message last night at 1:35 a.m. from a number I didn’t recognize. The person who sent the message accidentally used the wrong phone number and thought I was somebody else. So, naturally, I went with it. Here’s the full text of what turned into a 2 hour conversation:

I mean seriously? I dont even know his name…GAY. GAY. GAY. by the way im apparently thirteen - 1:35 a.m.

? I just got a text from you. Who is this? - 1:38 a.m.

David…why are u acting like u dont know my number?? Gay. This is NADIA you know ur WIFE at the present moment. - 1:40 a.m.

Or is ur new not even gf already a psycho trying to figure out who u talk to - 1:41 a.m.

Oh shit im sorry baby. U know you’re my one and only. What are you wearing? - 1:43 a.m.

Fuck you whore. Go get pregnant again. Drama queen. - 1:45 a.m.

wtf? Sweety, why are u mad at me? - 1:46 a.m.

I know its easy to be jealous of me. I dont blame you. I mean ur a loser with a kid living with who? If he didnt care about me he wouldnt be trying to hurt me. - 1:48 a.m.

Keep it up sweetheart ill tell u everything u need to know about him…david i told u i wanted u to be happy but u pull this shit its over for u - 1:50 a.m.

Trying to get me back? Sorry i know ur game. U want to play it? Really? Keep it coming my love. - 1:52 a.m.

What are you talking about baby, this IS David. - 1:53 a.m.

Ok. Youre cool…and very mature might i add. Im sorry but im a grown up now. Play with someone else… - 1:54 a.m.

Baby, you’re my wife. Why are you questioning my love for you? - 1:56 a.m.

Yeah youre a faggot. And yeah baby i know you love me…otherwise you wouldnt have been sobbing on the phone with me last night. But its ok. Play mr hardass. - 1:58 a.m.

Failure at life plus failure at life equals true love. You going to hold a gun to her head too - 2:00 a.m.

Youre such a tough one…who cant even answer the phone and talk…im so jealous!!! - 2:01 a.m.

What did i do?!? Im crying right now! Are u saying I held a gun to your head?!? - 2:02 a.m.

Peace out. When u become an adult let me know. - 2:03 a.m.

I’m SO an adult! 2:04 a.m.

Let david know danita hatcher is about to find out the truth…but not until tomorrow. If he wants to call and apologize before then i may reconsider. - 2:05 a.m.

Sweety, its me! David. You clearly have trust issues. - 2:07 a.m.

Who is this gay ass? Really? Thats the best you can do? Im impressed. Really. Very impressed. - 2:11 a.m.

So what. you dont love me anymore? Why dont u think its me? And I NEVER held a gun to your head. - 2:14 a.m.

Goodnight. You have until 9 am to apologize sweetheart. - 2:15 a.m.

I’m sorry right now! Its only 2:16. - 2:17 a.m.

Yeah? So call me and talk…or are you too afraid for me to find out who youre with? Thats really actually quite cute. - 2:18 a.m.

Im with you, what are you talking about? How about I come and we break out the baseball bat and the porcupine? - 2:21 a.m.

K sounds good…come on over..afterwards ill ride you like u love and make u cum just the way u like it…or would u rather put it in my ass? 2:24 a.m.

Oh! I know… We can get that strap on youve always wanted me to do you with and i guess after all weve been through i can just give in and fuck you with it - 2:27 a.m.

I thought you said u didn’t like anal? Wait, you’d really fuck me in the ass? - 2:29 a.m.

…if it would really make u happy… I mean i really am willing to do ANYTHING to make this marraige work baby… - 2:29 a.m.

For you baby? Id do anything… Even accept you for the bisexual that you are. Bc you are my one true love…and i dont care that u enjoy wearing my panties. - 2:32 a.m.

so really, what are you wearing right now. Your turning me on! 2:34 a.m.

Well im wearing yellow lacy panties…the ones u like and a black lacy bra that looks fabulous on my tan body…look at the pics u have of me if you get too lonely. - 2:36 a.m.

Oh now im turned on! What are you wearing sexy? Please leave out the part about ur shit stain from ur swamp ass…it would totally run the mood… - 2:37 a.m.

thats not nice i thought we were getting somewhere 2:38 a.m.

Yeah but i made u laugh. - 2:39 a.m.

Give me a reason to come home. - 2:41 a.m.

Oh ill give u a reason to come - 2:41 a.m.

like? - 2:42 a.m.

Just think about the way u know ur aching to grab my large sexy tits…or how ur dying to see what my ass looks like in these panties while u pull my hair… - 2:44 a.m.

Think of the way u get hard as a rock as soon as u see me come into a room…or the way u like to scratch my back while i bite your lip as i ride ur dick… - 2:46 a.m.

seeing your breasts IS nice - 2:47 a.m.

Or besides for the amazing sex & chemistry we had together there will never be anyone who loves u more than i and u will never love anyone the way u loved me… - 2:50 a.m.

But feel free to try my love…i really wish u the best in life. I hope you find happiness. - 2:51 a.m.

Girl, im just fucking with you. I have no idea who you are. You totally have the wrong number. 2:53 a.m.

Haha yeah i do. Sorry im drunk. I just realized theres a 2 and not a 5 at the end of this number…good story to tell later on - 2:54 a.m.

Who the hell is this? How old are you? - 3:01 a.m.

14 - 3:02 a.m.

OK well thanks that was a fun waste of time and energy. 3:04 a.m.

I laughed a lot. No disrespect. You HAVE to appreciate the comedy in the situation! I have no idea who you are and I never will. - 3:07 a.m.

No…im laughing too…that is pretty funny…i feel like a complete MORON…but funny all the same… - 3:10 a.m.

…so i thought u were like some girl with my not yet ex husband yet…and i was trying to make him look really bad…not that i know u or care but im not a weirdo - 3:11 a.m.

Dont worry. I hope everything works out for you and yours. Take care. - 3:14 a.m.

I didn’t think it seemed like him to talk to me like that…and again not that i care what u think but im a very nice pretty 23 yr old whose a little drunk now. - 3:14 a.m.

Is this a guy or girl? And how old are u really? Just want to know so i dont wonder about it…i think its a girl? 3:16 a.m.

Nope male with my fiance sitting right next to me. No worries, it was funny for both of us. 3:18 a.m.

I can imagine… Im really not a hillbilly or anything…not that it matters…im so embarrased! Haha…the swamp ass part was pretty funny though…i laughed. - 3:21 a.m.

Being engaged u have to know about the swamp ass right? Or was that something only i was blessed with learning about? - 3:22 a.m.