Sprkus

Have you ever gotten a voice mail from someone who didn’t realize their phone was on? You hear a muffled voice or two in the background — muffled because the phone is still in their pocket or purse.

Don’t you always listen to that message like it’s the most important message of your life? You replay it like two or three times to try and make out every little detail. Like there’s some secret messege somebody is trying to give you.

You think to yourself, “He … he just ordered a spicy chicken sandwich! He must be at Wendy’s. What does that mean?!? I should write this down: Large Frosty … It sounds like Bill. I gotta Google this!”

It’s either that or you suspect you’re gonna overhear some earth shattering secret. Like all of a sudden Bill’s gonna start having sex with another man during the phone call.

“Oh my God, I knew he was gay! He loved Sex in the City!”

I got a voicemail from my stepbrother Ron on Tuesday and he was talking to his mom Shirley about only smoking one pack of cigarretes a day and I was thinking, “Why only one pack a day? If you’re gonna smoke a whole pack a day, why not smoke two? Does that mean he has lung cancer? I wish I had a pack of cigarretes, this Nicorrette’s tiresome. Screw that, just one cigarrette. I wish I had just one. Did I just hear a seagull in the backround?”