Sprkus

The problem with Comfest, an annual community festival in Columbus, is that there are just not enough beer tents and port-o-lets to accommodate the crowd that attends.

After a 20-minute wait to fill your 32-ounce plastic Comfest cup, you can sit on your blanket in the grass for about a half-hour before you get the urge to tinkle. So you get in line to use the restroom, which takes another 20 minutes. By the time you use the restroom, your beer is empty because you drank it faster than normally while you were bored stiff waiting in the bathroom line. So now, you have to get back in the beer line.

And so on. And so on.

It’s like they underestimate the amount of hippies that exist in Columbus by about 50%.

“Let’s see, we had over 50,000 attendees last year, so four port-o-lets should do it.”

I honestly don’t know how we could have done it if I didn’t live two blocks away from the park. I think I would have given up after a couple hours instead of staying all day Saturday.

One thing’s for sure, the beer and toilet lines explain the amount of weed smoking that goes down over the weekend.

It makes perfect sense if you think about it. You don’t have to stand in line for beer and since you’re not drinking, you don’t have to stand in line to pee every hour.

Those hippies are onto something.

Friday afternoon was the official start of Comfest, but we didn’t make it to the park till 3:30 on Saturday afternoon.

On Friday night, a few people gathered at my apartment with the intention of stumbling over to the park eventually, but it just didn’t happen.

We instead opted for Zeno’s. And the night belonged to Baumann.

He was in true form, discussing tales of how someone approached him to smuggle the drug khat (pronounced cot) into the United States, dancing in his bare feet a Zeno’s, crashing a homosexual party with Gerrit on the way home, then showing off his atomicock before sticking the same hand in a bag of Funions, thus ruining them for everyone else.

Here’s Baumann tearing it up at Zeno’s:

[flv]http://www.sprkus.com/video/baumanndance.flv[/flv]

Gerrit put on a special show as well, stripping down to his boxers and flexing in the living room mirror while claiming, “Man, I look pretty good.” He did that for a half an hour.

I have video to prove the Funions and boxer incident, but I can’t bring myself to post it on the Internet. Perhaps I’ll password protect it because it really should be seen by his friends. Or his enemies.

It’s Youtube gold, that’ll never see the light of day.

Saturday, we spent about 7 hours at Comfest, listening to music, but mostly people watching.

Tiffany’s coworker Derek befriended a guy named Jock who we’re still not sure wasn’t homeless. He was nice enough, even when he saw another woman he called “Pocahontas” who he already knew and gave a big hug. She looked equally as homeless and was positively toothless.

Derek left his shame at the door and took photos of a couple women who had set themselves free for the day: (1| 2).

It seemed to me that there were a lot more woman going topless this year than in year’s past. Typically, most of the other girls who were topless, you would rather not see that way.